How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure
Have you ever noticed how often fear holds us back from getting what we actually want?
It sometimes keeps us from trying at all, makes us self-sabotage even when we do try.
And it comes up a LOT.
It’s also a phenomenon that has fascinated me for a long time—so much so that I spent more than TWO YEARS researching all the ways that fear holds us back and surveying more than 4,000 women, and then wrote a book about it called Do It Scared.
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And while these days I spend a lot of my time helping women over 40 lose weight and get healthy, I’ve found that that underlying fear issue never really goes away.
It holds us back from reaching our health goals in many of the same ways it holds us back from a lot of other things in life.
And so today, I wanted to talk about that. How to overcome your fear of failure and actually take control of your health for good. I want to talk about why that fear happens and what it looks like, and most importantly what you can actually do about it.
It’s a powerful topic, and one I hope has a lasting impact on you, maybe even in more ways than just your health. So let’s dig in!
The truth is that the fear of failure is a very real thing, and it’s something that holds a lot of us back from pursuing our goals and dreams, especially when it comes to something as personal and emotional as our health and weight loss journey. And it’s not just the fear of failing, but also the fear of what that failure might mean, and how it might make us feel about ourselves.
It’s the fear of not being good enough, or of not being able to do it, or of not having what it takes. It’s the fear of looking foolish, or of being judged, or of disappointing the people we care about. It’s the fear of change, and of the unknown, and of stepping out of our comfort zones. And it’s the fear of losing control, and of not being able to go back to the way things were.
And all of that fear can be incredibly paralyzing, and can keep us stuck in the same patterns and behaviors, even when we know they’re not serving us. It can keep us from even getting started, or from taking the necessary steps to make real progress. It can keep us from asking for help, or from admitting that we need it. It can keep us from being honest with ourselves, and from really looking at the underlying issues that are holding us back.
And it can keep us from being willing to try something new, or from being open to a different way of doing things. It can keep us from being willing to invest in ourselves, or from putting in the time and effort that’s required to see real results. It can keep us from being willing to be patient, and to understand that this is a journey, and that it’s not always going to be easy.
But most of all, it can keep us from believing in ourselves, and from realizing that we are capable of so much more than we think. And that, to me, is the saddest part of all.
Because the reality is that failure is a part of life. It’s something that we all experience at one time or another, and it’s something that can actually be a very powerful tool for growth and learning, if we’re willing to let it.
And the most successful people in the world—the people we admire and look up to—are the ones who have failed the most, and who have been willing to keep going, and to keep trying, even when things didn’t work out the way they had hoped.
But it’s not just famous people who dare to fail. It’s people in our everyday lives. It’s the women in my program—some of whom I’ve interviewed on my Live Better. Live Free. podcast—who are daring to push past their fear and actually take control of their health.
They’re the ones who have been willing to take risks, and to step outside of their comfort zones. They’re the ones who have been willing to face their fears, and to not let them hold them back. They’re the ones who have been willing to ask for help, and to surround themselves with people who can support and encourage them. They’re the ones who have been willing to be honest with themselves, and to take a good, hard look at what’s not working, and to make the necessary changes.
They’re the ones who have been willing to try something new, and to be open to a different way of doing things. They’re the ones who have been willing to invest in themselves. And they’re the ones who have been willing to be patient, and to understand that success doesn’t happen overnight, and that it’s the small, consistent steps that we take every day that add up to big results over time.
But most of all, they’re the ones who have been willing to believe in themselves, and in their own ability to create the life that they want. They’re the ones who have been willing to change their mindset, and to let go of all the limiting beliefs and negative self-talk that were holding them back. They’re the ones who have been willing to take control of their own thoughts and emotions, and to not let fear and self-doubt get in the way of their goals and dreams.
And that, my friends, is the key to overcoming the fear of failure—changing your mindset and the story you are telling yourself. Because the reality is that we are often our own worst enemy, and that the things we tell ourselves on a daily basis can have a huge impact on our ability to succeed.
And if you’re struggling to overcome that fear of failure, and to change your mindset in a way that will allow you to actually make progress toward your health and weight loss goals, then I want to share a few practical strategies with you today that I think can be really helpful.
But before we dive into that, I want to take a quick second to remind you that if you’re new to this blog and to the Thinlicious brand, and you’re looking for a better way to lose weight and get healthy that actually works, then you should definitely consider joining me for my next free live workshop. I host these pretty regularly, and it’s a great chance to learn how our system works and how to get started, but it’s also an awesome opportunity to ask all your questions and get answers in real time. And again, it’s totally free to join but you do have to register, so you can go do that HERE.
Okay, so with that out of the way, let’s go ahead and dive into the good stuff, and talk about FEAR and how it might be holding you back when it comes to achieving your health and weight loss goals, and then talk about some practical strategies for overcoming fear in a way that will allow you to actually make real progress.
What Fear Looks Like
So what does fear really look like?
Well, to be honest—and this is something I learned in more than 2 years of research for my book Do It Scared—fear actually looks a little bit different for everyone.
If you’ve read that book, you know I introduced a model I call the 7 fear archetypes, which is basically the seven unique ways that fear tends to manifest in our life.
And understand, when I talk about fear, I’m not talking about PHOBIAS—the fear of snakes or the fear of flying. I’m talking about that deep internal fear—the kind that holds us back from getting what we actually want.
So what does this look like for different people? Well, it comes back to the Fear Archetypes
Procrastination
First, there’s Procrastination.
The PROCRASTINATOR fear archetype is also known as the Perfectionist.
And if you’re a perfectionist, you probably already know that about yourself—and you might even see it as a source of pride, not realizing that all those perfectionist tendencies are actually a form of FEAR, because you use your need for everything to be perfect as a reason to not do it at all.
You’re the kind of person who typically spend a lot of time doing research or getting organized, and probably find yourself stalling and finding other things to do rather than that one thing you really want to be doing. You’re the one that’s likely done allllll the research and read allllll the diet books and listened to allllll the podcasts, because reading and listening feels safer than actually starting.
You just never quite feel READY. But what you’re REALLY afraid of making a mistake, which it’s so hard to get going. Because now you’re overwhelmed with information overload and what if you make the wrong choice, or worse yet, what if you fail?
So it’s easier just not to begin.
And you should know that this fear archetype—the Procrastinator/Perfectionist—is actually the most common of ALL the fear archetypes. About 40% of the population have this one as their primary archetype. So if this is you, you’re definitely NOT alone.
People Pleasing
But next up is something known as PEOPLE PLEASING.
And the fear that holds a People Pleaser back isn’t necessarily the fear of making a mistake, but the fear of being judged, or letting people down. You care a LOT about what people think, and sometimes struggle with boundaries or saying no.
So if you’re a people pleaser, this may be affecting your health and weight loss journey in a number of different ways. For one, you might feel embarrassed or ashamed of what other people might think if you start another new diet or weight loss program. Or maybe you’re worried that you’ll be judged for following a plan that so many people—because of all the lies we’ve been told for so long about what’s healthy and what’s not—and you’re worried about having to justify yourself.
And honestly, I’ve seen this with a number of our clients—friends and family get REALLY judgy when they perceive something as being “outside the norm.” And it can be hard. And if you’re a people pleaser, it’s REALLY hard. Or maybe, because you’re a people pleaser, you just can’t seem to make it past those social situations where you’re with other people and facing the peer pressure to indulge in all the things that got you to this place in the first place. Maybe you do okay on your own, or you feel committed, but the second you’re in that social situation, it feels IMPOSSIBLE to stand up for yourself. Because you don’t want to hurt any feelings or make anyone mad.
And it might not seem like this is fear holding you back, but it is, often in a really big way.
Rule Following
Or maybe you’re more of a Rule Follower Archetype. This means that for you, there is almost always a process that needs to be followed, and it makes you uncomfortable to stray from that path. You don’t even like it when other people step outside the lines. You’re the kind of person who always read the instruction manual from start to finish, and if you’re cooking a recipe, you follow it to the letter.
The good news for a rule follower is that if you’re given the right set of rules and instructions to follow, you will most likely excel. In fact, in all of my programs, I find that many of my most successful clients are Rule Followers, because they do the work.
But the PROBLEM for Rule Followers, when it comes to modern health and weight loss, is that SO MANY of the rules you’ve been given are total BS.
For all these years we’ve been told all these things like if you want to lose weight you need to eat less and exercise more, and just count your calories, and eat less fat and more whole grains. And so you’re following all the rules, but they’re the WRONG RULES.
And yet you can can’t let them go because it’s what your doctor and all the experts keep saying. The fear of breaking out of that “conventional wisdom” and going against what you perceive as the “right way” to do things is absolutely holding you back. So that’s the Rule Follower.
Fear of Rejection
And then there’s the OUTCAST. And if you’re an outcast, then I can definitely relate because that is my #1 fear archetype as well. But if you’re an outcast like me, then your biggest fear is typically the fear of being rejected.
And that might sound a little bit similar to the people pleaser’s fear of being judged or not being liked, but the way that it MANIFESTS is actually very different. You see, outcasts tend to manifest that deep fear of rejection by rejecting other people and ideas FIRST, before we can be rejected in return. It’s almost like a pre-emptive strike or a protection mechanism.
On the surface, it seems like we really don’t care what other people think. But we actually care very deeply. Rejecting the world or the things that might work for us means not having to face rejection. After all, it’s way easier to say something like “Keto is dumb, everyone is doing it, it’s just another fad diet that won’t actually work for me.” then risk taking the action and having it not actually change the deeper issues that are causing your unhappiness. We also tend to reject anything that feels like it would make us vulnerable or require us to put ourselves out there in some way.
So that’s the Outcast.
Self-Doubt
Next up is a big one—SELF DOUBT.
And it’s not hard to see how this can keep you stuck, especially when it comes to health and weight loss, because if you are a self-doubter you’re already struggling with deep feeling of insecurity and a fear of not being good enough. You have trouble believing that you are actually capable of making real and positive changes in you life, and that makes it really, really hard to find any motivation to get started.
You’re the person who would never in a million years dream of taking a “before” picture and sharing it in the Facebook group, because your self-criticism would be off the charts. But you also find yourself feeling critical of the people around you—maybe even the people who DO post those photos of themselves. In fact, sometimes your tendency to be super critical puts a strain on your relationships because the people around you feel like you are always picking on them. But really it comes from that deep feeling of insecurity and not being enough that weighs on you all the time.
So that’s the Self Doubter.
Making Excuses
And then there’s the EXCUSE MAKER Fear Archetype. And we can probably all think of at least one person we know who fits this description right?
But basically the excuse maker always has an excuse, a reason for why they can’t get started, or—in the case of health and weight loss—and excuse for WHY you’ve gained weight and why nothing you try will actually work for you. Maybe it’s a thyroid issue. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s genetics. Maybe it’s the fact that you just don’t have time or you have food sensitivities. Maybe it’s type 2 diabetes. Or autoimmune. Or arthritis. Or you’re too old. Or your husband doesn’t support you. Or you travel too much. Or. Or. Or. Because there’s always an excuse.
For for the excuse maker, the deep underlying fear is the fear of taking responsibility or being blamed. Sometimes this goes all the way back to childhood trauma with parents who constantly blamed you for things. But it’s this almost visceral reaction to the idea of taking ownership for your own life and your own health, and it keeps you stuck in excuse land where you never have to take the blame for how things have turned out.
But at the end of the day, even a good excuse is still an excuse.
So that’s the excuse maker.
Pessimism
And then finally, there’s the PESSIMIST Fear Archetype.
And if you’ve experienced a lot of hardship and adversity in your life, or you are currently going through a particularly hard season where you’ve had some pretty big challenges or trauma—maybe a divorce or a job loss or the death of someone close to you, you might be identifying as a Pessimist.
Because when you get into pessimist mode, basically your biggest fear is experiencing more pain and adversity. For you, every opportunity feels too risky. It’s almost like you just completely shut down and you’re reluctant to TRY because everything in life feels like an opportunity to get hurt again. In essence, you’ve given up.
And not surprisingly, of all the seven archetypes, this is probably the HARDEST fear to work through and overcome, because you’re just in such a dark place. That said, of all the 7 fear archetypes, this is also the one that is most likely to be a temporary season—often a time where you need to give yourself a lot of grace, but probably also get some help.
So that’s the Pessimist, and those are the 7 fear archetypes—the seven ways that fear tends to show up in our lives.
And it’s important to know too, that these can show up in tandem or in a combination of a few different fear archetypes. Some people might have one that is totally dominant, but most people experience a little bit of several of these. But each person is a little bit unique—it’s like you have your own fear fingerprint.
How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure
So the question then becomes—what can you actually do about it?
How do you overcome the fear or fears that are holding you back and actually take action in your life. How do you not let those fears consume you, and keep you from getting what you actually want?
Identify Your Fear Archetype
Well, believe it or not, the first step is actually to just identify and acknowledge the way that fear is showing up for you—to literally shine a light on the way fear is manifesting in your life right now, and in the ways it’s holding you back. It’s almost like a name it and claim it kinda thing. You have to know what you’re working with.
And by the way, if you want to actually take my fear assessment to determine YOUR fear archetype, you can find it at DoItScared.com. It’s pretty enlightening, to say the least.
But the important thing to know is that you can actually do something about it.
Your fear, however it is currently manifesting in your life, doesn’t HAVE to hold you back. All that matters is that you identify it. Again, because all of this fear I just talked about happens subconsciously, beneath the surface, without really realizing that’s what’s going on, or even realizing that certain behaviors are actually fear manifesting in very real and destructive ways.
But as soon as you can start to identify those patterns of behavior in your own life, THAT is when you can actually change them. What was SUBconscious becomes conscious. You actually SEE it happening.
But what’s more, you begin to realize you have the power to CHOOSE something different.
And that’s where the mindset shift begins to happen. Instead of being subconsiously controlled by fear, you start to see how you can use it as a tool for growth. We all have our unique set of fears and insecurities that hold us back, but if you can learn to lean into them instead of run away from them, you can become stronger and more resilient.
Because the reality is that each Fear Archetype is a double edged sword. There’s a part of it that holds you back, but each one also has strengths associated with it.
If you’re a procrastinator, you’re afraid of making a mistake, yes, but you also tend to have a great attention to detail and are often incredibly meticulous and organized.
If you’re a people pleaser, you seek approval, but you’re also typically a great person to be around—thoughtful, well-liked, and fun.
If you’re a rule follower, you can get stuck in black & white thinking, but you’re also incredibly diligent and responsible.
If you’re an outcast, you fear rejection, but you’re also often an independent thinker with a lot of drive.
If you’re a self-doubter, you can struggle with insecurity, but you’re also incredibly empathetic.
By understanding your own fear archetype, you can actually start to use it as fuel to reach your goals, instead of letting it keep you stuck.
And that mindset shift, in and of itself, can be incredibly motivating.
So that’s the first step—you need to do some introspective work to actually determine how fear is showing up in your life, and how it is currently holding you back.
Get Clear About Your Why
The next step, then, is to get really clear on your WHY. Because the truth is that if your reasons for wanting to lose weight and get healthy aren’t strong enough, then it’s going to be very easy to let fear and self-doubt get in the way of your goals.
But if you have a strong, compelling reason WHY you want to do this, then that can be a very powerful motivator, and something that will help you keep going, even when things get tough.
So take some time to really think about and get clear on your WHY. Why is this important to you? What will losing weight and getting healthy allow you to do or have or be that you’re not currently able to do or have or be? How will your life be different? How will you feel? And how will NOT making a change impact you in the long run?
And once you have that WHY, write it down and keep it somewhere where you can see it every day. Remind yourself of it often, and use it as motivation to keep going, even when things get hard.
This is something we definitely focus on in Phase Zero of our TAS program, just because we know how important it is. Because without that big WHY, it’s too easy to quit. Or not to begin.
You have to want it more than you’re scared of it.
So that’s step two—get clear about your why.
Take Small Steps in the Right Direction
The third step is to start small, and to focus on taking small, consistent steps in the right direction. Because the reality is that big goals can be very overwhelming, and can often feel so far out of reach that it’s hard to even know where to start. And that’s when fear and self-doubt can start to creep in, and can keep us from taking any action at all.
But at the same time, ACTION is literally the ANTIDOTE to fear. It is the cure.
And so if you can take ANY action, ANY step in the right direction, it will help build your confidence and courage, and help propel you to the next step.
The truth is that you don’t have to do it all at once. You don’t have to change your entire life overnight. You just have to start. And the best way to do that is to start small, and to focus on making small, sustainable changes that you can actually stick with.
So instead of trying to overhaul your entire diet and exercise routine all at once, start by making one small change. Maybe that’s cutting out soda, or adding more water to your day, or going for a 10 minute walk after dinner. Or maybe it’s just taking the time to track what you’re eating, so that you can start to become more aware of your habits and where you might be able to make some changes. Or maybe it’s just SHOWING UP to that live workshop I told about and daring to ask a question.
And then, once you’ve gotten comfortable with that one change, add another one. And then another one. And before you know it, all of those small changes will start to add up to big results. But the key is to start small, and to focus on taking small, consistent steps in the right direction.
Get Support
The fourth step for overcoming fear is to be willing to ask for help, and to not be afraid to seek out the support and resources that you need to be successful. Because the reality is that you don’t have to do this alone, and there are so many people out there who want to help you and support you on your journey.
Basically, surround yourself with people who will motivate you to keep taking action!
And if you’re reading this blog, then you’re already taking a great first step, because there is so much valuable information and inspiration here that can help you get started. But don’t be afraid to seek out other resources as well. Whether that’s finding an accountability partner, or joining our TAS program, or working with a coach or a personal trainer, or even just finding some good books or podcasts that can help you change your mindset and stay motivated.
There is no shame in asking for help, and in fact, it can be a very powerful way to overcome the fear of failure, because it allows you to surround yourself with people who can support and encourage you, and who can help you stay on track.
Be Honest With Yourself
The fourth step for overcoming fear is to be willing to be honest with yourself, and to take a good, hard look at what’s not working in your life right now. Because the reality is that if you keep doing the same things you’ve always done, then you’re going to keep getting the same results. And if you’re not happy with those results, then something has to change.
So be honest with yourself. Take a good, hard look at your current habits and behaviors, and at the things that might be holding you back. And be willing to make a change. Because the truth is that you are the only one who has the power to change your life. No one else can do it for you.
Change Your Self Talk
And finally, the sixth and final step for overcoming fear in your life—and probably also the hardest one—is to be willing to change your mindset, and to let go of all the limiting beliefs and negative self-talk that are holding you back. Because the reality is that we are often our own worst enemy, and that the things we tell ourselves on a daily basis can have a huge impact on our ability to succeed.
So be willing to change your mindset. Be willing to challenge those limiting beliefs, and to replace them with more positive, empowering thoughts. And be willing to be kind to yourself, and to practice self-compassion, and to not let fear and self-doubt get in the way of your goals and dreams.
And like I said, this one isn’t easy, which is why it’s so important to surround yourself with the right people who also have the right mindset. Honestly, it’s why focus SO MUCH on mindset in our program, why it’s not just about giving you a meal plan and sending you on your way.
Because we know that true change takes time, and it happens as much with the story you are telling yourself as it does with changing what you eat.
Because the truth is that you are capable of so much more than you think. You have the power to change your life, and to create the life that you want. You just have to be willing to take that first step, and to not let the fear of failure hold you back.
Final thoughts
So there you have it—the seven fear archetypes and the six practical steps you can take to actually overcome your fear of failure or getting started in a way that will allow you to actually make progress toward your health and weight loss goals.
And while I know that it’s not always easy, and that there will still be days when you struggle, I also know that it’s possible. I know that because I’ve been there, and I’ve struggled with all of these things too. And yet, I’ve also been able to overcome them, and to create a sustainable, healthy lifestyle that works for me.
And if I can do it, then I know that you can too. So don’t let fear hold you back. Take that first step. And keep going, one small step at a time.
